Faith Experience: A testimony

 Do you believe in God?

Why would you believe into something that you haven’t seen?

You must be out of your mind.

I was raised as a Christian, and my parents enrolled me in several bible schools/study, but as I got older, I started to doubt both my existence and that of God. How can I believe in God when I experienced sexual abuse as a child? How can I affirm the existence of God when I frequently feel as though there is no such being as the one, they describe as being good, a provider, a sustainer, caring, etc. GOD DOES NOT EXIST! If we are experiencing pain, how can there be a God? When nothing around me turns out the way I want it to, how can believe there is a God? If I'm in pain while watching other people have a good time, how can I say that there is a God? 

When I was younger, I was sexually abused and so growing up I’m insecure and anxious of myself which is why I get bullied often. Then, when I was in my high school days I was harassed twice. I got depressed and oftentimes I don’t attend my classes due to my depression about my abuse and matters regarding financial, academic, and family problems. I was away from home because I was living at the dorm, so my parents don’t know that I was depressed, and they don’t know about my absences because I was an academic awardee. Others don’t know that I’m suffering since I attend Sunday service and I know different events in the bible I even attend bible quiz bee competitions. But I still don’t believe that there is God, I always question Him on why I was the one experiencing these things.  I drown myself in alcohol because the nighttime hours always carry a sense of dread.

I do not Believe in God but as a raised Christian I still pray. I prayed for death. I thought death is the only escape from my misery. Then I died, I was living but I’m dead. My life just became a cycle, wake up in the morning, go to school, go home, cry, then sleep. It felt like a never-ending cycle, I lost myself.

 Until one day I met God.

I'm not sure how, but God led me to a church, and I could tell it was His doing. I was first simply attending the service because I had this urge, but after finding solace in His words, I started going on a daily basis. As I dug more into God, He eventually made Himself known to me through the Bible, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit. I even persuaded my family to attend church, and now we are growing in our love for God.

I was alive once more, my life revolved again but this time there is a center and it’s God. I got the answers to my questions. AND YES, THERE IS GOD! I testify my experience to show His goodness to everyone. And I’m proud to say that I am a Christian.

 

Hebrews 11:1 

Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.     

  

   Ephesians 2:8-9

Because it is by grace that you have been saved, through faith; not by anything of your own, but by a gift from God; not by anything that you have done, so that nobody can claim the credit.